I wonder then if I still have years to try to forget him. Well if you look at my advice, i am not telling anyone to do anything other than to be themselves and be happy. You're emotionally drained just thinking of him day and night for 13 years. February 15, 2021. Give zakat and do sadqa. Just be yourself and chill. A muslim girl I liked in uni rejected me but dated a white non muslim friend. I would never suggest to break family. You're not into sharing and we don't know if his wife is. If not then you dont need anyone to help you find the one for you. To all those smart strong successful women, you are the product of successful parenting. If it were me, I would probably have not married anyone. Salam. but i am struglling. Allah has created all types of people and he controls everything in this world including your life. "My mum hates it so much . InshaAllah, your desire will be answered. It's a start not end. Coz Am single my parent's are worried about me Am 28. Most of home country will give only problems in your life ...all the best . You sound like an amazing person, a person who has the traits to be a loyal wife and a caring mother - please don't let that go to untapped - in this selfish ethos those qualities are hard to find. A waiting period is obligatory for a woman divorced after intercourse whether the . Jazak Allah and best of luck (Y). The people at the top, everyone wants to be with them but they don't want anyone but the top. Take the advice you would give your own daughter. To marry is undoubtedly a strong Sunnah recommended by the Messenger of Allah and his Companions. I literally feel that an ant crawling the earth is better than me. Islam didn't say that you should not get married to the person you love! You are also pious, praying and staying close to your family;as such, you don't want someone with a dubious moral code. You need to take whatever gifts Allah has given you and make the most of them. Answer: Marriage is a highly recommended act in Islam and it is considered among the practice (Sunnah) of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him). Thanks for sharing your story PhD girl. So marrying a Non-Muslim is allowed in Islam, if the man or woman is Jew or Christian but if they are Mushrik, you can never marry them. Should I buy a sex toy? It has been 13 years for me. We wanted to marry 13 years ago but couldn't due to family opposition. Sometimes, I long to have an average life with no drama. I liked the attention but it didn't touch me. Does not make any sense to me. He is an adulterer. Don't rush like I did and make the wrong decision for the sake of being married. Every night before I went to sleep, I thought of him with sadness and thought he was happy. I have always had great rewards but only after terrible trials that have shook me. I feel its very difficult to get everything .I feel even a person with bachelors or masters degree who is well settled in his career can be a good match if you like him . You don't want to live life traditionally. And to those women, when men come your way and for whatever reason it isnt working, remember it isnt a rejection its a redirection. Most of the issues we have are related to both sexes and their parents having superficial beliefs or standards. I am extraordinary by every worldly standard and strangely that means nothing to me. The hard part is to to compromise on someone you know you can never respect, let alone love. Get a Job but more importantly focus on your studies, maybe study with a friend , get your parents to test you on the subjects which you study. My parent is no help and relatives don’t know anyone suitable. Indeed, you are Islamically allowed to be his second wife, but realistically and practically speaking, can you, him, his wife and kids survive this? I never wished for riches or the world. I long to be an average girl, the girl next door but you know, Allah writes our stories and sometimes, all we can do is to let matters take their course. When my engagement came to a grinding halt, I used to make dua'a for her, but eventually understanding the realities - I tweaked my dua's for someone who will make me successful in deen, duniya, and akhira - and Wallahi my mind and emotions started thinking of the positives. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “And indeed We sent Messengers before you (O Muhammad blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), and made for them wives and offspring” [ar-Ra‘d 13:38]. Share. "We were not legally married, just through Islamic law. Don't spend too much time with him now else you will be tempted to do haraam actions . Then one bless full day my mother received a call from one of the proposal who visited our house their son was pilot. You know, crap society - and he could have faced serious consequences if he had not married her, I have never wanted to be married. You can have a career and be married. By 38-40 having kids isn't recommended, so by marrying a 32 year old to start a family one has limited options in spacing the birth of the children. The only problem is, none of those single men suit me. Will he be able to manage 2 wives? It is easy to say these things now and I hope no one ever goes through this hell that I am going through right now. And do you really think his marriage is happy? And every other relationship failed. In any case, you will get what Allah gives you and perhaps Allah will provide a man that's of similar worth or maybe not. I know of divorced people who are females and have remarried. A major part of creating a beloved community is the creation of a family but a Muslim marriage crisis is at our doorstep. Real Muslims handle situations with peace and care. Islam Q&A, Circumcision: how it is done and the rulings on it, You can ask your question on the website via this link: https://islamqa.info/en/ask, Password should contain small, capital letter and at least 8 characters long, Log in I know. Please note after marriage your excitement with that guy will come down and life will not be as green as you think . I have a feeling I have entered that phase again. He is my friend, He is Ahle-tashi Sial and is a Software Engineer. You are a smart intelligent woman and have a pure heart. . That's why I like your username. Phd-girl Alhamdulillah, I have always been on top of my career, beaten locals and foreigners alike in study/PhD or on the job market, represented my country, travelled extensively etc. But what does cause me anxiety is marriage is half your deen. Just dont ask personal issues to strangers on the net who could be sitting in some backwards country like saudi arabia where women in the name of islam arent allowed to drive (LOL). I am a sister who says "I'll probably never get married again, Allahu alim". I know you are looking for that miracle, and I too am childishly hoping for a miracle, but my practical side tells me something else. And then even within that subset of men there are few that will want a wife the same age as them. So, while most young people, Muslim or not, are able to find a spouse and get married in their teens or twenties, there is no unspoken or written rule that lays down a certain prerequisite age-range for the union, beyond which it supposedly becomes impossible for a person to marry, and be written off as "off the market". Are you sure you don't have any friends to help you? I protected myself from all evils and now I desperately want to get married, have kids and I don't know what to do. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) forbade castration and celibacy that deprive a person of permissible pleasure. I think the main issue you're having isn't related to there being bad people out there but it's that your requirements create a very small pool of candidates. Or did you become this way because of your situation? No one is hard wired, it just people who think they are always right, never think about changing? Change your life sister. Thanks sister, really thanks a lot for taking the time out to write to me. One who follows islam is always a winner - and that is what I see in your case as well. "And I also believe people should not say the word 'never,'" she told People . Living together is more common and widely accepted. A big issue is muslim girls and I guess guys too in western countries want to fit in so date non-muslims. I came here to delete all my comments and then found your answer. If you force yourself to heal, you shall heal. There is no other way to get him. http://www.alturtle.com/Posters/MapofRel(2008)%20Color.pdf. I just worked really hard in my education and career, and took care of my parents and made lots of Dua. Your parents are proud to have you as their daughters. we were very worried to an extent that we almost lost hope of her getting married. I did salah hajat about 500 rakat and gave a lot of money away to poor, and i also told myself over and over again to not lose hope, and i kept telling mysel that f i will keep praying naafals and begging Allah until my dua is accepted. Assalam Alaikum I do not know about the future.. Bigamy is the legal term that describes someone who is married to more than one person at a time. And let me also tell you that though I say this myself, I am not an ordinary girl. After my mother died, my father, who was sixty-four at the time, told me morosely that he would never find anyone like my mother; he then . All times are GMT. I went to a wedding where the bride was 35 and a consultant cardiothoracic surgeon. Hi I am 37 and not married yet is it a test from Allah. The pain shouldn't last forever and then if you make the happiness should inshallah. There is no perfect man or woman in this world. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and said: "Are you the ones who said such and such? Life without him is unthinkable and life with him seems impossible .... His wife knew about you two before marriage...strange, yet she went with the marriage knowing that this guy's heart is attached to you. I feel it is impossible for me to even think of anyone, let alone marry. If you need to feel like you need to be a man with a wife who earns less etc, by all means do your thing. I have increased my ibadat and I know Al Muntaqim will make me victorious in the face of my enemies. Do you do any volunteer or charitable work? Never ever. Parents forced our marriage but I haven’t seen him for four years! I tried to do the right thing but pined for him for years. Youll see theres way more diversity around, and so remember these stereotypes do not impact your life in any way. May Allah give you the best in Deen and Dunya. Umm Zakiyyah. I guarantee you from my experience that Allah will surely listen to you. His wife is either living in sad ignorance, or is in torment. I wouldn’t care being single for the rest of my life as I live a happy life. It kills. Do zikr and read Quran. Just dont be desperate, enjoy your life, grow gracefully. Don't rule out an older man, or one who is divorced. You know, when I listen to things like this, I try to convince my inconsolable heart that I will never get married. But if both of you aren't into sharing then perhaps you should look into another suitor. Its not about starting a new life, its simply living your life and embracing who you are. 5. It can be a test but it depends on people as well. My Maker IS my husband. You said he broke down your walls after 10 years. He saw the good in people, he did not fight evil with evil, and he appreciated the good and looked for it in a person. The first problem is I live in Arkansas and there are few Muslims here, mostly my parents age. One of his friends 'gave me away'". Let your friends know that you are looking - they might know someone good. And that's totally OK. 7. You don't see the contradiction there? In addition, we have upgraded the technology to automatically update the latest ideas and tips for users when searching Don't Get Married Men . I am just not the type to do things the way everyone else does. I am 23 years old i had done all my wazifa yo get married but still not married... My parents are really upset for me... Help me plzz and kindly make dua for me... As 2018 Ramadan is approaching. I understand your situation only too well. Thanks for your reply - I so appreciate it. Thanks for your reply. According to the U.S. Census . I am just not the type to do things the way everyone else does. I have heard of people getting help there but I wasn't sure exactly how. You are smart and hard working; you want someone similar. Please don't wish for death. Maybe I will simply revert back to that devil-may-care attitude. Can I divorce? so all of you who have lost hope, just remember that i too felt that way but Allah the most Merciful helped me. I just wanted to come on here and set the record straight. My Istikhara came out as “yes,” but I don’t like him! I am scared that I may have grown into someone whose achievements intimidate all incoming candidates - I have been frequently told this. Answer (1 of 10): Original Question: Is it haram to never get married and have kids in Islam? I have not found his qualities in any one else for so many years, and this is not for lack of trying. If you're living in South Asia, then I'm sorry but you need to get out of there. 1. Our advice to you is to accept the idea of marriage, now and not at some other time, and to seek reward in it by means of good intentions, such as maintaining chastity, obeying the husband and raising children, and so on. What Happens If You Never Get Married? I choose to take the risk of loving this man because I have done everything I could not to love him and he seems to cross my path all the time no matter which country I am in. However, I can tell you that replacing thoughts of that person with Allah's hope definitely helps. She was smart and she could do it but her father wouldn't allow it or allow her to get a job. You don't believe in the "first comes love, then comes marriage" blah blah blah baby carriage saying. You dont need go ask or explain yourself to anyone on the internet or anyone else. I do feel bad for his wife though as I doubt she was interested in this arrangement. Matric. It is not glamorous and very, very tough to face, I sometimes wonder why I keep going through trials after trial. I always had guys appproaching me when I was abroad but none were the right kind and I didn't want any relationship that was not right. What are you trying to achieve? He made attempts every month for 13 years to reach out to me and start the relationship but I resisted and he eventually thought out of sight was out of mind. You're living in this fantasy land where married = happy. Use this experience of yours to further define what you liked in him, and what you disliked so that you can use this to understand what you prefer in your spouse, instead of being fixated in him. Is it because they are already married? I request some general advice from fellow Muslim brothers and sisters, the situation is that i do not ever want to get married, don't get me wrong im a girl there were days when i would dream of my big day but now that's all behind me, i don't want to get married for the following: 1) I've grown up to see my parents divorce and all the **** my . Ever treated me like other mom does for their daughter and still is same. Dating explained how long after dating should you get married. my parents havent found anyone suitible for me, any proposal we have met, declines or doesnt work out.

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